The end of the recent war with One Man & His Drake [OMAHD] saw the usual frenzied activity from the Eve University student body. However, unlike most wars which end in revelry and borderline (and not so borderline) debauchery, this one was more like an Old West land rush. Students were scarce in the Pink Hat Bar & Grill while the docking bays saw unprecedented activity. The mad dash into space began exactly as the Declaration Timer expired, resulting in a pile-up at the School of Applied Knowledge undock point resembling Jita 4-4 during a fire sale. We went to investigate this anomaly and were shocked by what we found.“Everybody just wants to get out and get back to business” said Dee Carson, Eve University Director. His comments came as he was organizing a mining operation to coincide with the end of the war. Students were equally focused. We saw tens of industrials with flight plans filed for trade hubs leave the station as fast as the ports could eject them. Combat ships fitted for battle with various pirate factions streamed past in a seemingly unending procession. One freshman who refused to allow his name to be used for fear of retaliation by his corpmates had this to say: “Normally we just want to let off steam, ya know?” “But this war’s been so boring that I’m actually sick of warbeer.” “You’re not gonna print that are you?”Faculty and students alike all seemed to agree that this war did not deliver.We dug deeper to try to find the reason behind this dissatisfaction and were rewarded with an interview with the normally tight-lipped Uni-Intel branch. “The war target spent all but one hour and forty-two minutes of the war off-line.” “He didn’t just stay docked… he off-lined his clone.” “On the final day of the war his clone was active for exactly ninety seconds.” We attempted to get more details from the operative, but further questions about operations received a curt answer. “Check the killboard.” — Peter Strasser, EUNN